That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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