i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
