I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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