you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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