the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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