I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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