Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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