what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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