OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just gargled with NyQuil
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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