i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
