Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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