I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
