The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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