sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
