Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
