if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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