Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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