i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
