Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
