Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
