I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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