someone get that fucking seahorse.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
