babies were throwing up all over the place
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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