my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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