His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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