I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
