Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
