I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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