nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
