id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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