i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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