none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
