i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
