I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
