just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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