it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Come share oat with me in your robe
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
