We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
