If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
