My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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