So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
