I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
