I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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