my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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