Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
