I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The beer is more important than you right now.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
