I look better un-naked...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
