not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
