Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
