Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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