the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am naked and annoyed.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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