It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
