someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
