You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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