just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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