A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize