Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
