masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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