How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
