i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
