I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
