Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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