i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
