I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
