So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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