An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
