The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
