So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize