mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
