If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
