Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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