she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
