were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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