I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize