I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
