sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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