Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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