WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize