i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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