All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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