Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
