You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
