i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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