once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
