textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
