oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
